Top Ten Ways John Kerry Celebrated Winning The Democratic Nomination
10. Got big "nominee" tatoo on his ass
9. Everywhere he went he'd shout, "democratic nominizzle in the hizzouse"
8. A little flippin', a little floppin'
7. Wore something special under his suit to make him feel "pretty"
6. Hung out with Bill Clinton and 30 coeds from the University of Massachusetts
5. Joined former democratic rivals to feast on the spit-roasted carcass of Dennis Kucinich
4. Received engraved watch from Edwards; out of habit, threw it away
3. While taking congratulatory phone call from Bush, got to hear president crash his bike again
2. Botox til he couldn't see straight
1. "Caucused" with Teresa, twice